drunken blogging

what if i were to move tomorrow? what if i called my seattle experience over with. would i be satisified with where i'm at now? would i be content with the places i've discovered and the ppl that i've met since i've moved? have i personally grown in the ways that i wanted to? did i visit the places that i wanted to? would i be happy with packing up my life again?

ppl always say that they hope i find what i'm looking for. (even my mother said that...wtf?!) but am i really looking for anything or am i just looking to reconfirm who i am? maybe i am not restricting myself as much? just a different take on life? the more i hear that "wish" everyone says the more pressure i feel. because i'm not spending my time looking for anything but trying to be more open to really appreciating what's around me.

it hailed today. it rained a bit. and it was really windy. and i did peek a sun at one point. it's looking like snow next week. and it might be an awesome sunny morning. the weather, isn't the suicidal weather associated with seattle but it sure is different. and boy do we really appreciate it when we do see the sun! when i wanted to move here i didn't think i could handle the rain. i never really liked the rain much. and sure it rains here, but it's nowhere near my imagination.
marie said she felt like that moment in sliding doors. and i told her that maybe coincidences aren't really just coincidences and that maybe things happen for a reason. and maybe i need to consider my words.

i don't know which way is up now. i don't know what i'm to do now. yesterday i had no options and now i have too many. i don't know which risk to take. i only know that i can't wait for anything for tomorrow. that i can't wake up tomorrow knowing i put off what i was going to do today. but what if i up and packed up my life again - would i be happy?