it just doesn't make sense: November 2005

.Thought.Process.

So you start with a thought. And that thought pops out of an experience or something you've heard or seen or thought before or sometimes, really outta nowhere - i mean, come on now, who are we kidding....(uh oh, that "thought before" could have a damper on where I was going with this...)
Anyways, you have a thought - only in your head. It vegetates for a bit and you debate on whether or when to voice this thought - solidifying it's existence.
And your mouth opens and the words appear - darkening and shading in the picture in your mind.
And then comes the written portion (are we taking a test?) - you see it....you actually see it played on paper (or as we do in 2005 - computer screen!) and it's there, it's real - oh! commitment. *shiver*

I was trying to sleep off my cramps for a bit and got inspired to turn on the computer yet one more time for the night and jump to Step #3.

I've been doing a lot of research lately and a bit of thinking and have devised up my plan but I haven't made it to writing it down till now. I've spoken to my excited brother!(you'll see why in a sec.) but no implementation yet.

I've decided to relocate. (*gasp!* <--- so that's what it looks like....) It's not something that's been financially planned out to a "T" but my belief is that if I really want this, I will do what I need to do to make it happen. (wow, sounds like I'm going to throw down or something!) I'm expecting to work for this.

Who? What? Where? When? Why? <--- those, omg, i could take forever answering those and since I like writing, one day I probably will. But as for now, this is a step in itself. My brother will be taking over my apt and all of the furniture. Most of it's all hand-me-downs anyways; stuff that was going to the dump after I moved. but this way i can leave stuff here if i end up subleting in the beginning. I'm trying to see what I can minimalize around the apt first - and sell. and am also going to look for a seasonal job this weekend to pay for moving costs but my plan so far:

quit, jan 6th- a friday(they always say friday) this way i can have all of jan to use the benefits up here first and make various appts. i'll give my boss at least a month to find someone as a replacement to keep good references from my old job. probably take a trip second week in jan to look for someplace to live. either drive to see how far it really is, or fly - i checked and it's about $200 roundtrip - last minute. the paid time off i haven't taken and will cash out - can pay for at least two months rent (by the avg 1bdrm). and i won't taken any time in dec anymore.
work seasonal now (weekends/night)- pay for moving and hopefully that initial trip out.
sell what i can in my apt now
unfortunately need to tighten up the pockets this holiday season
and i'm prepared to work two jobs for the beginning to refurnish and do what I need to do.
if i need to sublet initially then i'll just pack my car and come back to get stuff later. if i find something more perm then it'll just be a minimalist's dream. all i really need is my computer set up to apply for jobs / keep sanity, local phone line - phone interviews and clothes for interviews and a sleeping bag/pillow.

have i told any friends yet? actually, josh is pretty much the only one. oh and i mentioned it to becky because i called her when i had my epiphany.

ta da...*i did it.*

The Day Giraffe was born...

I just got pictures back from Kya's mom. I took Kya to "Build-A-Bear" a while back for her b-day...ahhh...that was the day "Giraffe" was born.

Here she is holding Giraffe, he's a bit nekked and skinny now though. (don't worry - it'll be a long story short!)

And then she got a bit scared at times.

If you've ever been into the store, they have ............"The Machine". The machine where they actually put the stuffing into the animal casing....along with the heart (duh!).

This part was cute. This was after Daniella already picked out that this would be a SF Giants Giraffe and then came time to pick out the shoes...Kya picked out sandals alright, but then she would plop her lil butt down on the floor and start trying to put the sandals on HER feet instead of Giraffe!

All was well in the end though!

since...12:07:01 yesterday.

since yesterday at 12:07:01pm, I've....

eaten some of sammy/calvin's salads - sorry guys!
had my first lesson at photoshop!
researched some more.
been lectured by my brother *whispering* he's 5yrs younger....
learned that daniel has a (too!!) young hottie working at his new job. *frown of disapproval*
(i'm not trying to hate, i'm just trying to say we're all the same - we're all basketcases at that age)
avoided an uncomfortable situation! sorry --!
volunteered to come into work at 7am this morning to finish a report.
...........*drum roll* after my experiment with coffee yesterday - did not have any this morning and am still on my first cup of pomegrante green tea (The Republic of Tea)....I LOVE this tea! I've never "loved" a tea before...i usually just get whatever is closest. I prefer green tea (and actually like pomegrante juice - diluted though) but i'll take whatever. but i LOVE this tea....
been trying to sell these dang tix on craigslist.org i can't get rid of! ugh!
um, forgot my matches at home so when i went to "use" the work restroom right now, i walked out really fast and inconspicous! (pointing fingers - she did it!!)
learned that i won't ever bother trying to find kevin on myspace because he will never be there.
learned that i need to learn html.

I feel good.

I feel good today. I do.

I even had my first sips of coffee since I dropped it like two weeks ago and I can't even finish half a cup! crazy! this is the same person who has a picture on her phone with: a red bull, a cup of coffee and (checking cell phone) a can of Jolt on her desk.

yes, and I also have a picture of Jolt gum my co-worker gave me time (I didn't even know they made that?!)!

I'm on my lunch break now and it seems a bit nippy to go outside when I'm not even hungry.

Usually thanksgiving time is when I go_all out! But this yr, eh not so much. My tummy shrank a bit and I'm down to one-meal a day. Eventually I'll get back to more but I'm pretty ok where I am. Snacks sometimes too, but not as much.

Yesterday, I got comp'd off and extended my holiday weekend. Initially I was going to drive down to the Boardwalk for a candied apple (Sammy mentioned it was probably closed anyways though). So I spent it on myself and I think it did me well. I bought and finished a whole book, LOTS of internet research (actual research too!!) and a movie. I've been reading a lot more lately and feel good about that. I know I'm going to sound like a broken record - but I can't!!! wait until Memoirs of a Geisha comes out. I'm waiting to see if I can get tickets (or ticket - screw everyone else! lol, just kidding friends - I love you...=P ) for Metreon cause apparently that's the only theater releasing it on Dec. 9th; restricted release 16th and nationwide release 23rd (yes i'm a nerd - sue me).

alrighty, off to chat with my co-worker, he thought I was mad at him last week and I felt bad so I need to mend my ties. He's the only one who keeps me sane here and I want to make sure he knows I appreciate him. ta! ta!

I DO care about my finances...

I'm on my way....
Tonight I did a big step and that was to dig up my old online banking info and get back into caring about my finances.
It's what I need to do to move forward. And as careful as I try to be with cutbacks that effected only me - i.e. my daily coffee, lunch options and clothes shopping. I have been frivolous with going out to eat socially - weekend options and so forth. so now's the big reality check. get with it jo. no one is going to do it for you. sure I have my retirement always in mind - 403b (check!), 401K (check!), IRA - sure! it's the liquid assets and careful financial planning that I need to make this happen for me...

"Me You and Everyone We Know"

i can't stop thinking about this movie...

you need to watch it - at least once. every time you watch it - it's like a chameleon and it's meaning changes - every time and you find more meanings in different words that were but weren't there before...i love that.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415978/

http://www.meandyoumovie.com/