jo

sammy asked me the other day if there are things people don't know about me, that aren't embarassing, but they just don't know. i said - abso-freakin-lutely. cuz every day things are apt to change, and i may not know everything at any given moment about my own self.

1.) plucking hairs - calms me.
2.) i re-read and edit previous blog posts
3.) sometimes my poo or poot don't smell like roses (just like angelina jolie's and jessica alba's)
4.) sometimes i make enemies with the above true/realistic comment
5.) sometimes if i eat fast - i will burp, and if i'm comfortable with you, i'm not going to cover my mouth
6.) sometimes i find myself laughing out loud at doggies on the street cuz they're so funny
7.) even though i complain about my work, i love the chaos cuz i love the challenge of conquering it, even though i find myself running around w/my head cut off. cuz essentially, i'm not at work to make friends, i'm there to work.
8.) that my lil girls (cousins) mean more to me than i often admit - Lenora, Devon, Kya.

I'm going to miss them. I'm realizing I'm going to miss them more than others cuz it would kill me to come back and them not remember me. or me not to be there for when they start having questions about boys or for me to be at soccer games or just to go over and bring them bagels (nora seasame seed w/strawberry cream cheese, devon chocolate chip w/plain) and play pretend games with them.

kya not so much since she's only 2 yo. but more devon (10'ish) and Nora (6'ish). kya, i'm afraid she'll forget me, if her mom asks where jo is - she's still able to walk over to me but maybe not - next yr?

nora - when i went to visit her dad/my uncle last week to tell him about my upcoming venture and to bring the girls some baked goodies, she interrupts at just the right moment to turn to me to say - this guy said that my mommy can walk on water. --> huh? right? --> her dad explained that there was a man that her mom worked with that she found unbearable. it was her boss. and she didn't know if she could handle him. but in the end, when he was serving as a reference for her, he said that she could walk on water. she didn't know if she could handle him in the beginning, so she pushed herself even more and pushed him and in the end, proved to him that she could do anything. that's an incredible amount of understanding for a 6y.o. because at the moment, i was explaining to her dad, that i need to prove to myself, that i can walk on water. and now, was the time i have chosen to bring myself to the challenge.

9.) i have this anxious scared feeling of leaving. but it's oddly more encouraging than any comfort would provide.
10.) that i have an anonymous blog. *

*this i feel bad about. i started it about a lil over a month ago (boy it seems so much longer) and i created it to vent. i didn't expect to make blog friends? but somehow within just the first few days i had regular readers and commenters. my support network. and i would write religiously. a couple times a day. and i would vent. and i would read theirs and stay on top of what was going on with them. they were my blog friends. across the usa - they lived and across the internet we connected. unfortunately one day (probably 2-3wks ago), i just selfishly decided that i didn't need to vent anymore. and i stopped checking in. and i didn't go back. i thought that - ok, there's this resoure that i used for a specific period of my life, only to vent and i don't need it anymore. so i'm not going back. i get emailed notifications when people comment and i've gotten emails but i haven't gone back. i feel bad cuz to a certain extent i left them high and dry. but i didn't create it to make friends. i created it to let things out of my system and i don't need to anymore. i usually learn a lot from reflecting back on personal experiences, but where i'm at now, i feel like i would regress with the reflection. and i decided to do what was best for me at the moment. and it's only to move forward. sorry blogster.