somber day

i didn't expect it.
we were sitting in my supervisor's office discussing issues. and 20 min later she asks how i'm doing and i apparently looked at her funny and she prompts me to tell her what's on my mind. she was expecting it. she was anticipating it. i just let it out. "i need to tell you something" "yes?" "I don't think this is the right fit for me."

she wasn't surprised. she was very professional and she saw it coming.

i went on to tell her it's not my intention to leave her between a rock and a hard place. i could do a standard two weeks from Friday or i can transition through and ensure she has the right replacement trained before my departure. i just can't afford to not be happy now and it's not a good fit. i have a lot of personal goals upon my arrival here and i feel like i'm not able to put forth my best effort - staying in this position. i need to put my best interests first.

she was crying, from what i believe to be the stress. the environment, it's not good. the job itself, is challenging and i strongly believe if i was at home, i would be able to see it through the transition however, i don't want to waste another day not being happy in seattle. i'm here for a lot of reasons. just the other day, jc was asking if i manage to do anything besides work? jokingly of course. but it's true. even when i do go out for drinks or to a movie, it's tiring. and to work a whole lotta hrs - is not one of them. yes it is my fault that i am still working my old job at the same time, making it a 7day/wk workweek but it compensates or balances me.

later, she goes on to tell me she was thinking about me this morning on her way to work. she was wondering what i was going to decide to do. my unhappiness was not a secret. i had informed her many times on several different issues. i let her know. and i feel better knowing that. but nothing was changing.

in the end she offered to be a reference. she requested for me to take time off whenever i need to interview and find something before leaving. tomorrow, i'm going to try to negotiate to change my title to "Interim" to justify the short stay on my resume moving forward.

it's just - hard. it's not what i had anticipated but i gotta just keep going.