9:30am today

that was the approximate time of my breakdown this morning.
I was balling all over the place. I hit the edge and I let it all out.

what put me over the edge at the moment was huge. now - not. a manager at work, after working with her for over a yr - All! of the sudden has "problems with what Joanna is doing"...my problem? is that this is the same procedure they asked me to implement a yr ago and nothing has changed. My other problem, is they did the same thing - yesterday - All! of the sudden has a problem with what i'm doing. now, yes, i don't care, but all i really needed was an excuse to breakdown - i'm stressed out.

My uncle told me tonight that the three most stressful things are: death of a loved one, job change and moving. (considering bossman has been working me 12 hrs straight w/no breaks today and no breaks yesterday (and ever since she started actually) - I don't think he got this memo) becuz I haven't been able to do anything.

Bossman has seen me breakdown before and he always tells me the same thing, I'm putting too much expectations on myself and I need to put things into perspective. I agree. Have I changed that within the last yr? no. has this come up before? yes. but it's just the kind of worker bee I am. I expect things to be perfect at work.

Update:

U-haul: got my confirmation call today but didn't get to go down there since i was chained to the office until 8pm tonight.

Lost & Found:
My eye dr (yes, i still call them eye dr) office called around 4:50pm today to say that they've all of the sudden gotten my old frames back and delivered. even though i took off work early yesterday cuz it couldn't be tracked and has been processing for like almost 3 wks. so they say i get 20% off for my troubles but i thought it was the vendor's fault and they've not comp'ing anything!? so i ask the office to call them again to see if they can comp' the other frames or something and i'll just pay the difference since they're already working on them? i don't have an extra pair anyways. 2 weeks ago I submitted an expense report for about $500 to ensure I have it before I leave. Turnaround time is like a day but they ended up losing it. And I got another check cut today since I made good with Grandma(A/P clerk). My uncle called me in between Jamba Juice and Buffalo last night to say he just got 'parts' in for my car (he's my mechanic). Since I took it in awhile ago, there were still pending things and if he called me like a day later it wouldn't have worked. I didn't even remember but at least now I have options on my AC and Heater, before only full blast! and off - worked....things are stressful, but they just work themselves out.

my parents keep stressing and call and stressing me out saying how much they're worrying and scared and everything - which is not helping me - guilt. i can't even type, i'm sitting here trying to vent to destress and i can't even think right now. i'm going to go burn my skin in some hot H2O - that always helped.

i - am - stressed. i'm not sleeping well. i'm getting even more snatchy than usual. and even though he told me that i would continue working / contracting for him when i got up to seattle - i'm reconsidering.