T

so now's the waiting game.
i reached out to try to get T's # through a mutual friend and now is the waiting game.
ticktockticktockticktocktick...

golly.G.whiz.

yesterday was the first day i hung out with G after we broke up...
it's been a couple yrs if memory serves me right.
it all came about somewhat randomly. arbitrary recent contact and the notice to him that i was leaving states.
so there's an excuse to hang out to see if friendship exists after the fact.
and.
AND!
it wasn't even weird or anything!
it wasn't awkward or anything!
i had fun.
it was chill.
no pressure.
no expectations.
same sense of humor that reeled me in the first time.
he came over and we hung out with tony, gave him a bath, played with his new camera(tony's a little camera shy), told him about my 80's set up, he cooked dinner and just talked.
friendship.
now i have to cross him off the "ex" list and put him in the friendship box.
and i'm happy about that.
cuz tris (high school ex) was getting a bit lonely over there all by himself.
but it was very - refreshing.
it made me want to call and make my reconciliations across the board.
*almost*
hahaha....i would love to be friends with T at this point. i wonder if he still hates me. but i agree with marie, i should at least try or else i'll never know.

**Actually... No, we hung out another time before this but I don't remember why or how or what. But I remember he was the one that put together my dresser in my bedroom. Thanks to him I have a place to store my underwear and socks!...I just don't remember when though......so i guess that yesterday wasn't that big of a milestone then. hmph. oh well.**

tony's silver lining...

it's a once in a lifetime experience.
it's a love / hate relationship.
i love hanging out with him.
but i hate taking the time to do it now, now that i'm super behind on packing / errands and i'm realizing i'm less than a week and a half away from moving out.

TONY

Calgon take me away!
Tony is a full time job. (plus house sitting - for my coworker.)
So far he's barked more than his bite.
He's pee'd on the curtains and shirts and other mystery places I can't find because he still reeks but I can't find the spots. I think he pee'd on his fur. Sammy says to give him a bath but it's not in the job description. I'm such a sucker. I'm not getting paid for this so I keep taking her bottled aquafinas and telling myself that's indirect compensation for having to wake up at 6am on saturday morning because he won't stop barking to take him downstairs so he'll be quiet. I didn't go out Friday night with Laurie and them so I could stay home and be ignored by tony because he was still getting used to me. I stayed home this morning and yesterday day to be with him so he won't feel alone. I took one of my coworkers diet pepsi's this morning and laughed under my breath "ha! take that! house sit and dog sit for free and call me every day and bug me whether tony is ok - stop bothering me! you're in hawaii already!"

Pre-prom jitters???

HECKKKKK NAW! bring it on like kirsten dunst! (yeah i didn't really care for her but i was always jealous she got to kiss jay hernandez **see below**)

type ---> O!

today i misspelled "chose" vs. "choose" in a management communication(email) and it bugged(still is!) me all day.

dangit!

Memory Boxes

I'm cleaning out my closests (literally) and i'm hitting all of the dusty boxes of memories buried in my closests...and my mind is racing with thoughts of:
of how he cheated on me and i still kissed him after i found out.
how much of a tomboy i used to dress.
how honored i was when my excerpt was picked to be 1 of the 5 or so in the yearbook in memory of eugene. it was the hardest fall of my jr. high crush.
how much i screwed over t and how much he still loved me in spite of it.
how i actually used to write and receive letters before emails.
how much of a camera rapist - i have always been, even before digitals.
i found a typed letter from a after we both got into college and were assimilating away from the bay. i found flyers, poems, pleas, wishes, dried up roses, heart shaped letters, photo mall studio pictures, graduation brochures, cd's of pix, photo albums, "ex-box's". old and new. storage-it-all. in the back of my mind and in my parents basement.

Tony

This weekend will be my first weekend alone with Tony.
I'm kinda excited.
A little nervous.
He's so cute.
He's a bit hairy but it's ok.
And he has those puppy-dog eyes.
But we'll have alone time.

I hope he doesn't poo in his bed, or pee or scratch up the furniture or run away - becuz I've never had to DOG-SIT a yorkshire terrier before by myself ALL WEEKEND! ;)

Pre - Sho Pao waddle

hehehehehe....what makes YOU smile? =)

Jay (Hernandez)!

Jay! For you, I sat through "Hostel" and so did Marie and Lori Ann...and unfortunately for Wilmar - him too...but for you! we conquered scary movies! (sorta, kinda, not really - that was just yucky, i don't feel like i conquered - "jump out of your seat" scary yet...I think that's Saw II).

looks like you have a case of the mondays.

My 50+ yo coworker got busted for being last month's top contender for "EE who logged most time on internet". I have no idea whether it includes our subsidiary but it's either amongst 400 or 500 employees total. No wonder I only use the internet during my lunchtime.

"I'm terrible with living things" was my response to my coworker who came into my office and asked why the roses were dying. the same coworker who i'm going to dog sit and house sit for later this week.

lifetime tire alignment - is what my dad got for my new tires, like 2 days before my moving announcement - sorry dad.

no more 10k. my picked replacement didn't get the 10k higher. apparently (according to the recruiter) my boss couldn't stomach the increased salary and knicked her. you go bossman!

books. is all i've packed and it's already a huge mess in the living room. i have a terrible time packing for trips and overnight, i don't think i had any inclination for what was or is ahead for me.

OD - wasabi funyuns. yesterday while we went on our girly 80's prom dress scavenger hunt, i bought a big bag of funyuns. i munched all day and all day today and now i OD'd.

$11.99. is what it cost to dry clean a $7.99 80's taffata-gawdy-looking-peach dress. it's going to be grrrrreat. it hurt to pay more to clean a dress than it was to buy. but i think it would hurt more to wear a thift store dress, having absolutely no idea where it was before you put it on - without cleaning it.

Classic Txt Msg

"Sorry I fell asleep. Did I fart? I felt like I did"

1/21/06, 1:24am.

i wa-wa-wa-wa-wonnnnder....

i bombed the phone interview yesterday. and i couldn't read the recruiter from my 1hr long phone screen today. i interviewed two replacements today and i think we found us a winner! i had a salad again today for lunch but then i chased it with wasabi funyuns. i'm tired but i want to go out. i can't believe i spent like an hr last night, only shredding and consolidating bills. i miss my hair. i have to pack this weekend. i want to go to the 80's prom. i want to get a job already. i really like those funyuns. my coworker comes up to me and asks to borrow my self evaluation for 2005 - that took me two work days to complete, "hell naw dude, this ain't math class - fail your own shiet!" then the 50yo+ guy walks off after sticking his tongue out at me. i wonder if i can really work the system and get a free pair of eyeglasses before i quit. i have that song in my head, "we like the cars - the cars that go boom"...i LOVE that song. i wonder if i'm going to get drunk of sake tonight. i can't wait for mijoris. i wonder how cold it's going to be in seattle. i wonder if bubba's been getting out. i wonder who will end up driving up with me. i wonder how i'm going to bring everything. i wonder if my parents are still mad. i wonder if my coworker is regretting asking me to dogsit and housesit after i said (will looking at my dying flowers) that i'm terrible with living things. hahaha...

Google

Scheduled a phone interview for noon today. Scheduled at noon so I would clock out my time. It was scheduled about 2 wks ago.

My boss, said he would be flexible (on phone interviews during work) and I didn't even need to tell him in the first place, just close my door and do them. I work in a private office but it's a two person set up. We set up for contractors or when we add another headcount - which has been - never.

Yesterday he schedules a mtg at the same exact time. WE NEVER HAVE HR MTGS!?

I tell him and he says it's fine; just miss it. (ended up getting cancelled last minute today)

AND! the shared work space gets occupied because of a special project he started earlier this week.

I'm prepping and reading and waiting, 12:01pm hits. Phone rings and he walks into the room. During my whole 20 min phone screen, a conversation / debate is going on right in front of me and I bomb it.

Contractor knew. My boss knew (but forgot apparently).

As soon as he goes back to his office and I follow him and tell him I was on the phone interview which I bombed. And he seemingly is apologetic and tells him I should've kicked them out as soon as the phone rang.

I'm locking the door tomorrow!

Next

Another one I want to cross off - is watching a movie in the theater by myself.

I've made some subtle attempts that failed, Garden State, Grizzly Man and I think another one. For some reason indie or random movies seem more interesting to watch alone. I picked one out for this Sunday. Either Munich or Thumbsucker, Syriana I would want to watch w/friends. I'm not sure, I wanted to conquer Hostel but I'm thinking scary isn't the way I want to go....that's like, stretching it too far...baby steps.

it's never easy leaving.

KPMG - They split my position in two when I left, same base salary. That sucked. especially considering I covered the other office's position (same as mine) for the majority of my time...and that position was also split into two, same base salary.

Today, I walked into bossman's office to see him scribble my initials next to my base and the top candidate's (who was coming in this afternoon) initials with a 10K increase.

it's never easy leaving a job.

Trinidad & Tobago

My family isn't happy with my leave. It saddens me that they are not supportive about my upcoming self-exploration.

At Cal Poly, I took an Ethnic Studies class. One of our final projects was to write about one of our family members. As I'm cleaning out my apt, I found the story of my mother's journey to the US. She was 19 y.o. and by herself....how fitting...she's the most disappointed...

"I Came from Trinidad and Tobago"

M speaks with a slight Caribbean accent as she thinks back to her earlier days. Born in Trinidad and Tobago in 1951, M came by herself to Oakland in 1968 as a foreign exchange student. While going to college, she worked part-time as a bookkeeper in Oakland's Chinatown, where she met her future husband and married him in the early 1970's. In the late '70s, she started to sponsor the rest of her family to immigrate to the US. She stopped work and school after giving birth to her first child and two more children later. 14 yrs later, M returns to college to complete her education. However, after her husband caught an illness for 4 consecutive months, she was depended on to bring in financial security. She got a job as a word processor and is now working as an administrative assistant at the UC President's Office.

Family Roots in China

I was born on April 18, 1951 in Trinidad and Tobago. Trinidad and Tobago is an island right off the coast of Venezuela and is smaller in size than California. I am the oldest of 4 children. Both of my parents were born in Canton, China. My father, JY, moved to Trinidad and Tobago because a friend of his had asked for his help in starting up a business there. My mother, P, gave birth to an illegitimate child in China and lived by herself in order not to tarnish her family's name. She found it extremely difficult to raise this child properly within sufficient resources, so she moved to Trinidad and Tobago as a picture bride. My mom was a full-time homemaker while my dad worked in several different occupations, such as a clerk in a grocery store, a traveling salesman, and eventually a worker in a Laundromat. He also taught Chinese in an attempt to keep the customs and traditions from being lost.

Coming to America as an Exchange Student

Overall, life in Trinidad was hard. The economy at the time was poor; jobs were scarce; and opportunities were virtually nonexistent. Staple food shortages happened many times.

My mother was constantly told of America and all that it offered. She felt that if we stayed in Trinidad we would always have the same problem of food shortages. In her eyes the only real solution was to go to America, where education and employment opportunities were abundant. P decided that she would first send me, her oldest child, to America. The plan was to send me to American on a student visa as soon as I finished high school. My mother spent months trying to convince one of her long time childhood friends in Oakland to take me in. They were extremely hesitant since they were both retired. They did not want to have the responsibility of caring for a child, but eventually they soon caved in and gave their consent. Everyone was excited when the time for my departure finally came. My siblings saw this as an open opportunity for them to come to the great land of America. My parents were very pleased with the idea and fully supportive and sent financial aid for my schooling and board.

I arrived in America on June 3, 1968, landing at the SF airport. The first thing that caught my attention was the weather. It was the middle of summer, and the weather in SF was about 30 degrees cooler than what I had been accustomed to back in Trinidad. It took me months and bundles of clothing to finally get accustomed to it.

In Oakland's Chinatown

I settled in Oakland's Chinatown with an elderly couple. The couple, in their late 70s, was very old and fragile. H was disabled as well, so their lives consisted mostly of watching television and inviting visitors over every once in a while to play mj.

In Trinidad, Chinatown was hardly noticeable and consisted of only half a blcok. However, in SF, Chinatown was so large. There were tall buildings, towering hills, and crowded tourist gift shops. The number of Chinese in one place at the same time was also something that took some time to get used to. It took me a while to become comfortable with the environment, so it would not feel alien to me anymore.

I was also unfamiliar with many of the Chinese customs celebrated in America. In Trinidad, they did not celebrate Chinese New Year to the extent that it was taken in America. Although my mom talked about all the celebrations in China, we would only celebrate with an extra special dinner. I was amazed at all the details and efforts put into the customs here. I spent my first Chinese NY watching the SF's Chinese NY parade on TV. I later on spent my NY like this one. I was finally able to see the parade in person years later after I was married.

College Years

I began Heald College as a full time student in 1968. Since I was a foreign student, my tuition was very high and I needed a job to support my schooling. Uncle H was able to help me get a job as a bookkeeper through his ties in Chinatown. Soon, I was going to school 6hrs/day and working 3 hrs/day.
I contemplated moving back to Trinidad many times because I felt so lonely. Although I had my weekends free, I couldn't spend them as I wished because I lacked companions. I met people in my classes but didn't communicate with them outside of school. I also met a few co-workers but also didn't associate with them outside of work. Because my caretakers were so much older, they did not go outside of the home often, so it was very difficult to explore the new country. My most memorable experience was when I would go fishing with Uncle H and A. Uncle H was very fond of sihing and went 1/month, so this was one of the regular activities I was able to look forward to. I decided in the end that staying in America was the only way I could better provide for my family and myself, so I soon overcame my doubts.

After two years, my visa was about to expire. In order to stay in America, I transferred to Laney College in Oakland where I stayed for another two years. While attending Laney I met my future husband by being introduced through Uncle H and A. After a courtship of about one year, we were married.

Marriage and Family Reunification

I married E in 1972. After deciding that I no longer wished to pay the outrageous foreign exchange student rates, I dropped out of school while waiting for my residency papers to return. In the meantime, I was still working, but my hours increase and I became a full time employee. After waiting many months for the papers to come through, I decided to just to keep working full time for month. I quit two years later with the arrival of my first child. I had two more children, arriving two years and five years later, respectively. I was not comfortable leaving the children with any one outside of the family, so I decided to become a homemaker and full time mom.

I played a key role in the advancement of my family into America. When my mother had first decided to send me to the foreign land, they had hoped that I would serve as their guidance and help them settle in. In the late 70's, my family started to settle in. G, my brother and also the second oldest in line, traveled alone to America after he completed high school in '76. He was able to stay with my family and provide baby-sitting services while he attended a nearby college. He moved out and was on his way immediately after he received his college degree, b ut still remained in the same city. The next to arrived were the last two siblings, my two sisters, A & E, whoe brought along with them their husbands and settled within the same city. My parents did not arrive until the early '80s. They wer already retired, and often needed assistance from their children. Therefore, they settle within two blocks from my sisters.

Back to College and Work

During the later half of the '80s, my thoughts drifted to the unfinished business of obtaining a college degree. I decided to return to college when my first and second children were safely tucked away at school. At first, I only took one course at a time because my responsibility of taking my 4 y.o. took up a lot of time. I stayed at home with a small number of classes for the next four yrs until I came back to the work force. My decision to go back, even with a total absence of 14 yrs, was strongly influenced by the fact that my husband was sick for 4 monthsand it became imperative that we earn more than one income. I began applying and finally received a job as a word processor. From my job I was able to build up my skills and qualifications and started meeting the right people. This led to my promotion as an AA in the UCOP Office.

I currently work at the same job where I have been for the last 7 yrs. After many rejected job applications due to my lack of a college degree, I have reached a turning point. However, I can not go any further; though I have the experience and qualifications. I am constantly being denied. This is what has motivated me to go back to school. As of now, I am working full-time, while taking 16 units of night school at Cal State Hayward, where I stand as a senior. I hope to graduate within the next yr.

Thinking back to all the opportunities I have encountered here in America, I have no regrets of coming here in 1968. I have three kids and a husband, and I have also brought the rest of my family over to the US. I have a solid, yet growing education. I have a stable yet limited job. All of these opportunities and outcomes would not have been available to me or not to the extent if I stayed in Trinidad and Tobago.

My new (sublet) home!

you had me at 'walk in closet'! and the fact that all of the bills are already set up and it's full furnished! yes the drunk drive will suck but it's only for a couple months! (see, my priorities are in place)

Thank you cards

I received Nora's (6 yo) and Devon's (10 yo) thank you cards in the mail.

They are adorable.

Devon's:

• Devon had a return mailing address label - however, it was her parents so she crossed out their name and put hers.
• Devon had drawn a girls face on the cover of the card, with black hair and slanty eyes, with long straight hair (presumptous but i'm thinking it's me, cuz she looks white)
• Inside she drew a purple balloon. Purple because she gave everyone a balloon that day and she picked a purple one for me.
• Contents: "Dear Jo, Thank you for the clothes. They are very pretty. They are nice all, scarf, tights, skirt and shirt. Also, thank-you for the rabbit. Thanks! Thankfully, Devon"

Nora's:

• Nora had a personalized (she's only 6yo?!) return mailing address label.
• Cover: "Thank you for the clos! Love Lenora" This was written in her handwriting. She also drew two girls on the bottom, I'm ashamed to say that I can't tell what they're doing or holding or anything....but i'm sure it's relevant and perceptive!
• Contents: (Her mom transcribed for her, verbatim) "Dear Derek and Jo, I loved it when you came to my house. I won't send this card to your parents, I'll send it to you. You should find it in your mailbox, or somewhere around it. I hope you like your new house. Share this note with Derek, please. Don't forget. Catch you later, "Love, Ly" <--- in her handwriting.

I had to ask her dad when I went to visit on Thursday night. "What did she mean by new house?" Seattle.......her memory is unreal. She still remembers that conversation that I had with her dad last month. I lub them.

Dates?

• Feb. 3rd. When I got off the plane, I planned for that to be my last day at work.
• (this past) Wednesday - I tell Greg that's my last day and then starts negotiation #2. He's pushing for an extension. So we bust out the calendar and start talking.
• I move it to Wednesday, Feb 8th...(not good enough)
• We take a break.
• He pushes for Feb 10th. I tell him no, because that's when I wanted to drive up and be there.
• We break, he offers for me to go when i need and just come back...."you'll need the money anyways!"...no cuz if i needed the money, i wouldn't leave a month right before merit increases greg...it's not about the dinero, i used to pay to volunteer in an HR office 'member?
• (Next Day)
• I print out and bullet point all of my concerns
• I print out a map to show him where my sublet is in relation to Sea-Tac.
• I bring out my calendar and two pens and he pulls up a chair.
• And he knocks them all down.
• Transportation from the sublet to the airport (paid)
• Transportation (flight) from Sea-Tac ---> Oak (paid)
• Transportation while in Oak (paid - rental)
• Parking / Gas in Oak (paid)
• Transportation from Oak ---> Sea-Tac (paid)
• Transportation from Sea-Tac ---> sublet (paid)

Pretty much, I don't want to end up paying to come back to work. So that's done.

My other concern: Time for phone interviews, appts and packing. (done) He'll let me work as an exempt and when I need to leave then I just do. so i do them during work hrs but i don't get docked like i usually would. If I have phone interviews and they need to be during work hrs, then just close the door and let him know not to bother me. And the days I take off for moving, are comp'd.

Pretty much, I don't want to use my PTO time to take care of things (I wanna cash it out). So that's done.

So that's how I got to Feb 19th.

I will work till Feb 7th, Tuesday (whatever that Tues is).

Take Wed (Feb 8th) off to pack/rent the u-haul.

Thursday (Feb 9th), drive up with Joannie. Meet maybe Becky and Sammy in Seattle. Unpack and settle in. If we have time to go to Vancouver - party altogether. If not, party there.

And we all fly our separate ways Sunday (Feb 12th). Me back to Oakland for my last work week.

Feb 13th - 17th - train / work.

Feb 17th nightime - Feb 19th - afternoon - party.

Feb. 19th 2006

Last Day in the Bay: 2/19th

c.at.all

Yes, as I recall no one said it would be easy.

Friday.

Seattle - Arrived - 3:30pm'ish.

---> rented my first car by myself @ Dollar Rent-A-Car. Red Corolla.
---> aimlessly drove around - literally picked an exit and ended up in Capitol Hill. right where I wanted to live. I turned around, hey - this is a cute street (checked the street sign "Broadway" holy crap) I'm right where I wanted to be.
---> met up with Christine for dinner

Saturday.
Christine had to work all day. I woke up and was out of the house in my rental early morning and parked myself in a coffee shop (yes I OD'd on coffee the whole trip). I started calling up all of the craigslist ads and found myself on the phone forever with "rc". his rent was right, he sounded like someone I could get along with (2bdrm / 1bth) and his location was cool. It was the equivalent of Oakland: SF. We met up for coffee (not me though) and talked more. He seemed....nice...but I was still not 100% (not comfy) but he invited me back to see his place the following afternoon, 5pm.
So I split, since I was late for my next housing appt in Capitol Hill.
*boom* I hit my rental car, the side mirror starts dangling and I'm screwed. I hit it about 4 min prior to my appt. This was a sign, I was not meant to drive rental cars but I was also not meant to see this next house. I was unsure about the guy but now this confirmed it. So I called Christine and told her I was heading over instead, after I turn in the car. I got in Car #2, a grey Camery. And made a friend at the rental car place (he hopes to see me when I get back!). He was the driver of the van and he was the same guy that picked me up from the airport the day before and also the guy the dropped me off for my flight home. I ended up hanging out with Christine and Dan's friends that night. We partied in Seattle and I got trashed. Dude, who orders 5+ shots of 151 for a SATURDAY NIGHT!? well...they do! it was terrible. but SO much fun. The next morning I was the first one up for my next appt w/"g" in a 2bdrm/2bth east of Bellevue. I knocked on the door twice w/no answer but I could hear football in the apt. I called him on my cell and I got the right door and a couple seconds later he opened up and he was 'normal' (looking at least)...the place was so nice! and new! and fully furnished! and a sublet! and......*drumroll*....a walk-in closet w/W&D in the apt! holy ta-moly! no background checks! no first month / last month! no deposits! no extra for parking! and we got along! dude?! so, I asked him about his other lineups and he had another appt about 15 min later. So he said he would make a decision as soon as possible. I walked away wanting the spot! it would be perfect - it would give me enough time to find a regular job, be able to find housing close to the job and a better sense of the surrounding cities and specific districts in seattle aside from capitol hill!

MIL-Lila was next. She was in Wedgewood and had a 900+ sqft mother-in-law unit, brand spanking new. She hadn't posted it on craigslist.org either! I got there and it was just that, brand new everything! and spacious! but...I told her I couldn't sign more than a 3month lease due to the fact that I wouldn't have a solid job once I moved and we both decided it would not work out. i say both because the other option she gave me was to have someone co-sign for a six month lease and i didn't want to do that.

'rc' - was next. I was about to go out the door to rc's place to check it out when I thought to check my email and see if maybe 'g' had good news for me. and he did!!! he emailed me and said i was first pick. i called rc right away and cancelled. oddly enough though, he wants me to hit him back up once i settle back in, which i thought was nice.

sunday 5pm. that's when i finished my housing search. which was right on track since monday and tuesday were tucked away for employment.

Monday and Tuesday:
-Met with Victoria (who specializes in HR reqs) who got me a follow up interview for a one-yr contract w/benefits (Pam) on Tuesday.
-Met with Pam on Tuesday right before my flight.
-Met with Judi, but she said they don't get much HR reqs (scratching off list)
-Met with Deborah, who got me two phone interviews for T-Mobile
-Met w/Shannon who interviewed me (as well as her dept) for a direct hire full time HR position
-Phone conference w/Courtney who's jobs won't pay my rent
-Met 'g' for coffee to confirm that i'll be his new roomie (woohoo!) and logistics as well
-scheduled a phone interview w/google.
....i packed in monday and tuesday so much, when i finished my last interview tuesday, i drove directly to the airport....literally.

Highlights:
-I got lost everywhere! EVERYWHERE!
-But! I also found where I wanted to be - everytime
-I didn't have tunnel vision. I have that here. There, I would walk by myself, drive by myself, eat by myself. In a domino effect, it enabled me to talk to the person behind me in line, sitting nearby me, the person taking my order for coffee, the person walking towards me. I need to see what I'm capable of by pushing myself out there. I was only there for a few days but I can see myself going in the direction I want to. in any direction for that matter. before, i felt like i wasn't moving at all...

"but why are you moving to Seattle?"...

It's not why. it's why not. only three words but people get it mixed up. it's really just about why not.

Seattle Art Museum 

are all housing ads like this?

titled: RENT FREE

WOMEN ONLY!!! 2 bdrm apt,1 bdrm vacant,you be descent to good looking,HWP,non crack head or tweeker,smoker ok (outside),drinking ok (inside) no drama queens,just be cool (and do light cleaning) and be VERY FRIENDLY and you can live here for free,it's a "you scratch my back i scratch your back" situation,email me for details, and please think about it before you email me and ask "what do you mean by VERY FRIENDLY" thx.. by the way i'm a guy
this is in or around mountlake terrace
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

OH, and that other ad I commented on recently, it was re-posted today.

But they don't discriminate, there's one for men up there too.

Sign

My house phone rang again. (I was supposed to be at work. If I didn't ask last minute for the day off I wouldn't have gotten this call. If I had found the AAA building, when I drove around aimlessly, I wouldn't have gotten this call. If I had screened it out, like I usually do when ppl call my house phone, I wouldn't have gotten this call.)
It was the Red Cross.
They need my blood.
"I would love to, but I've been denied like 5x for various reasons."
9am tomorrow.
After speaking about my different reasons and her experience I am convinced that tomorrow morning will be my day.
My flight is at 1:40pm, so I will have ample time to do last minute items and meet my appt in the morning.
But I'm not lying, I've been denied over and over and I would love to finally be able to donate and give part of me to someone who needs it (me). Realistically I will need to hold strong if it doesn't work out again. I didn't think I could get emotional but the last rejection, when they couldn't find my vein, I had to divert my eyes from my support, that was also donating because it sucked a big fat one. I felt my eyes well up, but at least one of us was able to help though, that was the bright side.

I think part of the reason why this goal is so personal is because I'm actually scared of needles.
When I was young, I often needed to have my blood counts monitored so I would need to get MANY blood tests. I hated them. I always cried. I always needed to be bribed, archie comic books was the common one. I could never look at the needle. I hated the dr. So to be able to help but also conquer a personal fear is priceless.

(I think this was also why my parents never understood my body piercings?! but it's different 'ma! =)
But tomorrow, will be my morning. That would get me off to a kick-a$$ start right before my trip.
After years (I spaced out my failed attempts) of persistence, it would make me invincible!

New Years

I haven't posted pix in awhile, here's new years eve.

http://evite.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=15sxer87.241vi88v&x=0&y=9asbis

Carlos - Here's my resolution

Twice in one week.

Last Wednesday, I had gone after work to cash in a mani/pedi gift certificate I received. It was at the Nail Shop on Grand Avenue. It was right after work. I parked in the parking lot a few businesses away. As I was passing by this coffee shop, I thought to myself, last time I was here, I saw Mestre Carlos. He was sitting outside the coffee shop and recognized my capoiera pants (what a perp!...but they're comfy) and I stopped by to say hi. And JUST as I was passing by and thinking this, I saw him inside on his cell phone. He was the only patron there. They were closed...but I kept walking. I felt guilty, I should've at least banged on the glass or something, but what if he didn't recognize me. I wasn't in the capoiera pants and I wasn't at the Mission Cultural Center or near a roda.

Saturday as I was packing my bag for the night. D called and we went to Bay street. As we were walking out of Bath and Body Works, I saw a man in a white beenie on the cell phone. I did a double take as he talked and walked away....was that??? hey that's Carlos! what? nothing....and I watched him continue to talk and walk away in the opposite direction. After we finished (my) shopping, I asked to re-trace our steps to see if maybe he was still there. but he wasn't...oh, I don't want to bother him just to say hi. that's how i make myself invisible. oh they don't want to say hi to me, oh they won't remember me, oh they're busy.

That's my resolution. To not think like this. Simple as that - now implement.

But now I sit here and regret not saying hello - how are you? Carlos was always nice to me, he made me feel welcomed and I liked being around him. I liked seeing him lead Fogo Na Roupa - (as it was named) it was Carlos' Circus. Even if he didn't recognize me right away, I knew a couple of key words to jog the memory. Maybe I'll hit 3x/2wks!

SECRET - not the deodorant either...

Previously, I had gone through a brief break-up and in that interim, I needed to fill the void. I created a personals ad and actually posted it. I went through the whole nine yards.
At that time, I felt immediate emptiness and the unsettled wonder and disbelief of my own self-worth. It was challenging, as it is or was every time but this specific time...I needed it filled immediately. and that's what this posting was supposed to do. I could probably count the number of days that it was on the internet. I would never answer any emails. which made me curious - why bother? I even got an ad from a firefighter (that's equivalent to school girls to men), and guys that didn't look that random and some (50+ y.o. guy) that did. I would use them as a collection, a collection to build me back. how superficial, yet what was done is done. After I had gotten back into that relationship, the next/last breakup came and I put the ad right back up. See, I had never deleted it. I simply put it as unaccessible to the public, but it was never completely erased. Because two months later it was right back up on the internet. This time, it was even shorter - maybe a day or two it was up.

See I wasn't trying to use the ad for it's neatly classified purpose. I was never going to answer ads - no matter who emailed me. The ad wasn't meant for anything else but to fill a void that couldn't be filled.



Here's the ad:

Title: constantly talking isn't necessarily...

Body: "...communicating."

In the spur of the moment, some people skip their "regular" and order something random from their favorite restaurant - some people will take a different route to work or school - some people will go sky diving for an adrenaline rush. Me? eh, I sign up on *insert personals ad name* *shrugging shoulders*. Frankly not interested in commitment now but want to meet and greet. But I wouldn't run away from the fitting puzzle piece. I just want to surround myself with people who are - real. I'm not interested in becoming a couch potato, I once dated a guy for 11 months and the only 2 times we watched TV was 1.) when he had a guest over 2.) when he came back from overseas and wanted to see what was on the news - that was for like....? 20 min tops.I want to learn and I want to teach and be appreciated for what I do know.

I want to experience and if my experience sucks it'll make my next day even brighter. I want to be appreciated and I want to meet considerate people. I want to laugh. And I don't want to go through life like a poker game. It shouldn't be like that. I live like I'm not going to fall down tomorrow.I don't ever want to stop growing.

I want to meet the guy who will enjoy my contradictions, my illogical thoughts, my insane nature and my "gorky" (geek & dork, but more dorky vs. geeky or else that would be "deeky") behavior and realize that I wouldn't change for anything or anyone and that all of those things combined and more, make me vs. everyone else.

--> jump to a dinner I recently went to.

I was sitting next to one of my girls and someone asks her "Where's your other half (her fiance)?"...other half? other half? hmmm...As I looked around the rest of the table of married couples, couples who lived together, a couple who was going to live together and a couple of girls, myself and my engaged girlfriend...I wondered...I don't have a fiance (or a b/f) but does that mean I am perceived as not having another half? because I am my own two halves. I am whole. And I am spending the rest of my life, being my own two halves and evolving with that exploration. Are single people perceived as less than whole?

Nowadays, I don't have a personals ad set up on the internet. But even more, I don't have an urge to fill any void. If anything, I spend more time by myself, finding myself again.

---> jump to straits cafe. I'm sitting talking with one of my girls. And she says, she's sorry to hear about r. And she looks up - and sees a boy talking right in front of us (couple feet away) - "What about *insert name that I couldn't hear over the music* - he's single?"...I honestly didn't even flinch. nah. I don't have a void and I don't need it filled with the next single guy. I know she meant well, so that's why even more - I didn't say this. But I know she understands.

Nora

Lenora.
She's a six year old diva.
She says the darndest things.
Yesterday we had family dinner over at their house, since they missed xmas.
Some highlights.

At the dessert table, I moved over one seat and said "i'm going to sit next to you 'nora'". and she says, "yay!"she goes into the kitchen and gets milk. She comes back and asks "What milk do you drink?" I respond "soy". what milk do you drink (even though I just watched her)? "Either non-fat or soy, but I like soy. My daddy's allergic. (and then she starts whispering) you know, he farts." *giggling* <--- that wasn't even her, that was me, giggling. you mean he's lactose intolerant? no, he's allergic. "can i ask him?" (he's sitting two seats over, everyone is at the table) "yes, but whisper it."

And then another time, we're sitting on the couch w/my brother. and he's asking me about renting apts and nora turns to me and says "did you tell your parents yet?(re: Seattle)" and i said no. mind you the prior conversation had to have been at least a wk or so ago. she turns to my brother and semi-whispers, you shouldn't talk about it, she didn't tell them (notions to my parents a few feet away) yet.

i bought her, her sister and cousin, all clothes for x-mas. nora opens up her pjs that i bought her and says, i'm going to wear the pajamas you bought me now. and she starts going into her room. can you come with me to put them on? and she parades in them the rest of the night.

she's amazing.

Lenora - she says the darndest things. 

Sho Pao! what a gumpy cutie. 

Before I Die

There are things I want to do. Things I feel I need to do. Endless, there are many things that I want done before I die, but they change every day - it's hard to keep up.

One thing I wanted to do was to dine out more by myself. There was only one time I did eat a full 1 hr lunch by myself and it half counted for me because I was their only patron during my short visit.

This morning I couldn't go back to sleep. So when I sprung up from the hotel bed with maybe like 3-4 hrs sleep and looked over at the others still sleeping - I had to do something with myself. Before my head hit the pillow the night before, I prepped myself and asked Laurie what's the earliest time can I wake her up and she mentioned 11am. I had time to kill. I showered and got dressed and looked for food. I ate my morning breakfast by myself. It had to have been a good 1hr or so too. out of the 3-4 other tables there at like 830am, only one table had more than one person dining.

I had fruit, fresh oj and coffee. but why did i have coffee if i couldn't sleep??? coffee has become so automatic again to me it didn't even click, to not have it. needless to say when i went back upstairs i still couldn't sleep and had to make myself useful, i got more towels, straightened my hair and edited pix on my camera from the night before.

but it wasn't even 9 hrs into the new year and i attacked an item on my lifetime accomplishments list. i'm off to a great start and it's only 40 min into the second day! '06 is going to rock!

i just know it.