The Forgotten / "Confessions of a Video Vixen"

just finished it.
within two nights.
pretty freakin' good. i don't know if it's good cuz i love bios / memoirs or what.
but i flew through it.
name dropped left and right and proved that sex sells.
amazing triumphs and one crazy life.
she's now seeing bill maher.

http://aalbc.com/reviews/karrine_steffans.htm

the bad thing about reading is my memory. i forget everything. literally. and i sometimes get it confused with whether i ever knew it in the first place? just like when people would ask me about history or current events or even my own experiences? i wouldn't remember anything? if i did not have lori ann (AKA "Cinco") in my life i wouldn't recall more than half of my college life. that's pretty freakin' scary! we would always semi-joke about how we need to see if they have memory classes to enhance our memories because we feel like we really need it...and then that subject would drop (because we would forget to look for the classes). it's terrible.

i just re-read memoirs of a geisha so i could relate it or try to relate it more to the movie and even now i don't remember everything.

even the book i just read, i already forgot the beginning! how she got her first break. oh man. well, how does that saying in eternal sunshine of a spotless mind go? the blessed is the world forgot? eh, i don't remember, oh well. =)

Tootsie

I saw my neighbor in the garage today.
He was with Tootsie.
"Nice coat!" I said as I looked down to this new furry friend wearing a red seemingly water proof coat.
Tootsie looked at my sheepishly and did not say a word.
"Say hi Tootsie!"
nothing.
nothing from me or tootsie.
i didn't know what to say.
tootsie, wasn't either jack russel but an unfamiliar breed.
a replacement or a new loved family member. it was so soon.

"see jo, we're worldly people - we need to see the world"

mijoris dinner tonight was freakin' amazing.
10+yrs and i understand why we're friends.
it takes a true friend to support and understand you.
sitting there enjoying sake and rice (ironic) our conversations evolved around a greater shared understanding of what we already knew about each other. the words that were exposed to me through my ears and the words that i exposed about me through my mouth - were all joined with head nods of agreement and a vibe of support. i understand. i agree. i see what you're saying. i support that. i hear you. i've experienced that. i want to experience that too.
los angeles, new york, oakland.
so far away - yet put the three in one table in a japanese restaurant for three bottles of sake on a thursday night and i couldn't be happier. (lub you guys! i wonder if you've found my new home yet joannie) *muah*

i'm ready for amazing things to happen, quote from Me You and Everyone We Know.
I'm ready to make Jo's world - amazing and bigger.

not again

my phone rang at work this morning and i was on the other line.
in listening to my voicemails, it was a coworker. she's not in the office today and sounded a bit quieter, softer. She was recently getting over a cold, so I assumed she might've still had some residual. sick time right?

I called her back: "Hi! *insert name*! How are you doing? "
Coworker: well, my grandmother just passed away so i'm just trying to deal with that.
Stupid Jo: omigod, I'm so sorry *insert name*.

she was calling to follow up on documents my supervisor was requesting from her.
So i did the favor and got off the phone feeling like a putz all over...

tired.

i am trying not to get discouraged that the only direct companies that have been calling me are in the bay area. they've surprisingly been similiar jobs too, these cold callers know what they're looking for. i'm in the midst of firming down some appts for agencies when i get up there but i've never really worked with an agency before. but we'll see. i've been seeing some cool housing too. (it's weird, i went to the site "Rent" or something, it's a branch of eBay for housing and they have pictures like it's myspace or something and they're all peeps looking for housing or roomies. it's weird.) apparently the neighboring cities are popping up nicely as well, i.e. 'eastside', w/bellevue and where boeing and microsoft are. (brain dead now) so i literally go home and apply and search for at least 3-4 hrs/night. after being on the computer all day. it's a job in itself. last night i couldn't fall asleep. i went over to the tretasco's, got back and spent another 3 or so hrs online and then tried to sleep around 2am but couldn't, i was tossing and turning for awhile. i came in to work today - just spent. talking a little slower. working a little harder. last friday greg asked me if i was taking any time off and i said no. he said he was and continued to tell me what days. and then tells me to think about it. and let him know next week. so since i had been clocking in OT i thought that was a hint for comp time. but when he signed off today for friday off, apparently it's not. so i'm going to revoke it later on this afternoon, trying to not seem to obvious of my intent. but i need to cash it out.

it's a hard job, to be the designated person in your group to track time off and comp time. there's four of us and i've been here since january and even this coworker that started in late april has taken more time off and comp time than i. or another coworker's gotten 120+hrs comp'd (i think i'm around 4 days comp'd ytd) and it's just hard. i do have to say this is the most comfortable environment after giving an informal notice though. my boss will make jokes about how i'll miss him. or how he can joke more loosely with me since i'm almost not working for him anymore. and little things. it's comfortable and it's appreciated.

Fried Lightsaber!!

On my way over to deliver wilmar's lightsaber, i stopped by to get In N Out. Cinco and them were cooking but I was craving french fries. Plus! when I had looked at the menu, my dinner was still going to cost less than three bucks. (it ended up coming to $2.91! what a screamin' deal!?!!) So i called them while in line just to double check to make sure they didn't want anything? As soon as I had put the bag with a hamburger and french fries in the front seat, I came to a sudden stop at the end of the drive thru as it merged with the regular parking lot traffic. And two seconds later, my fries were scattered all over my passenger seat floor mat. And if anyone has ever been in my car, they could probably count how many times, I've seriously put some elbow grease in cleaning it. I had to toss them, there was no other way, even with my re-invented 5 minute rule - i just couldn't. I was so bummed, my $2.91 dinner was ruined. They live off an exit that you need to come to a stop light as soon as you get off the ramp. And then, at that light, you're staring straight ahead - right at the Burger King! so those two seconds gave me just enough time to decide to try one more time to satisfy my french fry craving! yes, I bought a medium frieds from BK to go with my In N Out hamburger. *ahhhhhhh*

(I have the worst memory and so usually if I have even the slightest clue on what to get someone, I'll usually forget by the time their bday or xmas is here. But wilmar's bday idea was planted a while ago.)

As I get to the Trestasco's house, I bring in my lightsabered shaped present for Wilmar and tell him happy belated and asked him to open the present. All amped because I'm thinking that he's going to love it!

(I had thought of the idea when Daniel was working at Master Replicas and I got to play with one in person. He was going to Grand Lake Theater to do a promo the opening night of the last movie! and so we got to take pix with the crowd and get them hyped up and even give some away - it was so cool! That had to be at least a couple of months ago, because my initial deadline was to order it online before August to get a 20% off (I think?) and i missed it.)

But yeah, so I was slightly perplexed when Wilmar just casually finished cooking before strolling over to his present. and slowly opened it. Not surprised at the slightest.

And then Wilmar spills the beans...he tells me Carino had actually called him and "hypothetically" asked him what color a lightsaber should be for a present........................................!?!?!??!??!........................

Now, if we backtrack, I actually told Carino that I'll get the present but if he could phone a friend and confirm what color wilmar would like. I said (verbatim) "Call Tim or Chris and ask them, what color he would want".............................but apparently he called Wilmar because then Cinco sits down and (completely not in the conversation) says, "So did wilmar tell you eric called to ask him what color he should get?".......

I was so disappointed because I had been so amped that I actually got a genuine gift.

oh well.

secret parking

i park in a lot that has two stories. the first is usually full by the time i get to work since they've been recently closing down the other lots for construction. i go directly to the second story which is usually empty - with the exception of maybe a handful of cars.

but why isn't it the other way around in the rain?

i had some bird poo on the back of my car and it's practically all gone now! don't people realize that it's like a complimentary car wash every day! after your car has been sitting in the rain for like 8-9 hrs, even with a drizzle, there's going to be progress?

(or maybe i should keep this on the hush, so i'll still have parking tomorrow morning...)

Housing Ads

So, I'm still searching for housing and here's an ad I HAD to share. This is what I'm dealing with out there...yeah.......

Ad Title: Free Room 4 Cute Girl

I’m offering a free room in a nice newer home in a great location in Woodinville to a very sexy and attractive female roommate. Of course there is a catch, nothing in life is free. I’m looking for some personal favors from time to time in exchange for the free room. The exact requirements are to be negotiated prior to your moving in. What would you offer? The house is very nice, located close to the Woodinville High School and Hwy. 522. The living room has a very nice 50” TV, DVD, Xbox, fire place, and new furniture. There is a small back yard with deck. There is an office with a desk and computer you may use. Your room can be furnished, or you can bring your own bed if you wish. You will also have your own private bathroom. I will pay all utilities including electric, gas, garbage, water, sewer, and basic cable. If you want a phone line, you pay for it yourself. There is no deposit required at all. Here are the house rules you must follow: No male visitors (other than relatives) You will be responsible for simple cleaning (don’t worry, I’m very clean) You will prepare at least 2 meals per week If you are interested or have questions, please feel free to email me and send along a picture of yourself. If I like what I see, I will invite you to view the house. I am completely serious. I’m sure you are wondering about me, so here is a little info. I’m 35, 6’, 190, single, no kids, very professional and work in the finance field in Bellevue. I’m very easy to get along with, fun, laid back, and creative.

jack russels

one of my neighbors.
he's an older plump, santa claus physique looking man.
he has two jack russels and usually whenever i see him in the lobby, garage or walking around the neighborhood, he's with them.
i could probably count the number of words aside from hello - have a nice day, that i've said to him within my three yrs residing here.
this morning we got into the garage at the same time, driving into our designated spots, we walked towards the lobby entrance together.

JO: hello!

Not JO: morning - happy holidays!

JO: how are the dogs?

Not JO:....oh....well, the little black and white one died a week ago....and the other one, well, she's in the hospital, she has cancer, i'm sorry to tell you the news but thank you for asking....

JO: omg i'm so sorry, one of my old best friends had these two jack russels and i loved 'em to death

Not JO: oh but i really miss the little black and white one....

*as the elevator door opens up*....

Not JO: oh, but you have a happy holidays....

JO: thank you - you too, i'm sorry about doggies....

Not JO: no, no you take care.

*elevator door shuts*

stick a knife in me already will ya.

i'm the skirt....this pix always reminded me of the happy places outside of home. isla mujeres, 9/2004.

the book's better!

(don't read below if you haven't seemed memoirs of a geisha and are planning on it)

memoirs.

i loved the book. loved the book. i read it for the first time maybe slightly more than a yr ago and i pranced right through it. when i heard the movie was coming out, i re-read the book, in a couple days. i would bring it to work, i would come home and just read - till i went to sleep. i would check on the movie's website for the pictures and the updates.

whenever a movie is made, based on a book - they always say the book is better.
for the most part, i usually haven't read the book, so i'm impartial.
but today, i kept trying to find all of the twists and turns and edits and missing characters and scenes and it was kinda disappointing. don't get me wrong i still liked the movie, and it wasn't slow to me - at least from what others kept saying - it's so slow in the beginning, blah blah blah. the movie already was like 2 1/2 hrs but it left out a lot of what i love about the book, the culture and lifestyle of a geisha, the reasoning behind - why. why did she have to change her name. why did they pick sayuri, why she needed a danna. why she needed to be adopted to the okiya. why her dad sold her and who he sold her to and how that got initiated and what a danna really is and answering all of these questions. giving so much detail into the lifestyle and how things were back - bacccccckkkkk then. i keep forgetting that movies made from books aren't going to be exactly like what i've read - but more of an interpretation...entertainment right?...but...

what happened to sayuri's danna?
what happened to mr. tanaka?
what happened to the artist? how she got on the poster for the spring dance? how she got the lead for the spring dance?
what happened with telling what happened to her sister after she ran away? or how hatsumomo really left the okiya? or they said mother decided to send sayuri (chiyo) to schooling before mameha - but noooooo.....
what happened to more of nobu? the chairman didn't come to rescue sayuri....that was nobu.
auntie didn't say - no to the sister and therefore she didn't get to go to the okiya. that's not how that happened? what about how this happened? what about the mr. who she ended up doing it with from the teahouse? what happened to them after her and the chairman spilled the beans.

oddly enough, it makese me want to read the book for a third time now....starting.....now! ...

jo

sammy asked me the other day if there are things people don't know about me, that aren't embarassing, but they just don't know. i said - abso-freakin-lutely. cuz every day things are apt to change, and i may not know everything at any given moment about my own self.

1.) plucking hairs - calms me.
2.) i re-read and edit previous blog posts
3.) sometimes my poo or poot don't smell like roses (just like angelina jolie's and jessica alba's)
4.) sometimes i make enemies with the above true/realistic comment
5.) sometimes if i eat fast - i will burp, and if i'm comfortable with you, i'm not going to cover my mouth
6.) sometimes i find myself laughing out loud at doggies on the street cuz they're so funny
7.) even though i complain about my work, i love the chaos cuz i love the challenge of conquering it, even though i find myself running around w/my head cut off. cuz essentially, i'm not at work to make friends, i'm there to work.
8.) that my lil girls (cousins) mean more to me than i often admit - Lenora, Devon, Kya.

I'm going to miss them. I'm realizing I'm going to miss them more than others cuz it would kill me to come back and them not remember me. or me not to be there for when they start having questions about boys or for me to be at soccer games or just to go over and bring them bagels (nora seasame seed w/strawberry cream cheese, devon chocolate chip w/plain) and play pretend games with them.

kya not so much since she's only 2 yo. but more devon (10'ish) and Nora (6'ish). kya, i'm afraid she'll forget me, if her mom asks where jo is - she's still able to walk over to me but maybe not - next yr?

nora - when i went to visit her dad/my uncle last week to tell him about my upcoming venture and to bring the girls some baked goodies, she interrupts at just the right moment to turn to me to say - this guy said that my mommy can walk on water. --> huh? right? --> her dad explained that there was a man that her mom worked with that she found unbearable. it was her boss. and she didn't know if she could handle him. but in the end, when he was serving as a reference for her, he said that she could walk on water. she didn't know if she could handle him in the beginning, so she pushed herself even more and pushed him and in the end, proved to him that she could do anything. that's an incredible amount of understanding for a 6y.o. because at the moment, i was explaining to her dad, that i need to prove to myself, that i can walk on water. and now, was the time i have chosen to bring myself to the challenge.

9.) i have this anxious scared feeling of leaving. but it's oddly more encouraging than any comfort would provide.
10.) that i have an anonymous blog. *

*this i feel bad about. i started it about a lil over a month ago (boy it seems so much longer) and i created it to vent. i didn't expect to make blog friends? but somehow within just the first few days i had regular readers and commenters. my support network. and i would write religiously. a couple times a day. and i would vent. and i would read theirs and stay on top of what was going on with them. they were my blog friends. across the usa - they lived and across the internet we connected. unfortunately one day (probably 2-3wks ago), i just selfishly decided that i didn't need to vent anymore. and i stopped checking in. and i didn't go back. i thought that - ok, there's this resoure that i used for a specific period of my life, only to vent and i don't need it anymore. so i'm not going back. i get emailed notifications when people comment and i've gotten emails but i haven't gone back. i feel bad cuz to a certain extent i left them high and dry. but i didn't create it to make friends. i created it to let things out of my system and i don't need to anymore. i usually learn a lot from reflecting back on personal experiences, but where i'm at now, i feel like i would regress with the reflection. and i decided to do what was best for me at the moment. and it's only to move forward. sorry blogster.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for....salads?

Thursday night - i ordered my fav salad from CPK - chopped bbq chicken salad - full size.
Full size cuz then you eat half and have the other half for another meal.

Friday morning - I ate the other half for breakfast. Thinking that it would be a short day, I'll just have the hefty breakfast. But then in chopping it up with a coworker we decided to go to lunch.

Friday lunch - we were trying to find a soup place, so I thought of the soup/salad combo I had the other day. so we went there but the other soups they had were clam chowder (don't care for creamy foods) and chicken noodle - which i wasn't feeling. so I ordered the same spinach salad.

Friday night - at the white elephant, i ate regular stuff but then one of the gals brought a bomb spring salad - so i filled up with that too.

Friday drunk munchies - mels, only had a clam chowder and chicken noodle (deja vu?) and so under pressure since I got there late, I ordered a spinach salad? it was still good but then peeps were like - dude, you're obviously not faded if you're ordering a salad!?

Saturday morning - i don't really cook, so usually all i have in my frig is leftovers or odds/ends or nothing. so i looked in my frig a few minutes ago and the only thing in there was the other half of my salad from friday's lunch and a diet soda. hence my breakfast/lunch.

boy i wonder what's on the menu tonight.

happy feelings

1.) my happy cds - I, II, III
2.) after I've brushed my teeth.
3.) after my body adjusts from jumping into the shower of scalding hot water
4.) right after i hear the *click* of my office door lock from a hard day at work - when i know i did a good job
5.) hot tea warming down my throat
6.) the moment my head hits the pillow for a good night's sleep
7.) the moment i wake up sunday morning to realize - it's a sunday morning
8.) right after a good poo'(sorry had to throw it in there)
9.) *mumphy*
10.) singing out loud to: avril lavigne, gwen stefani, foo fighters or hot hot heat
11.) one time a guy was breaking up with me and in the same conversation mentioned that i just need to make myself more available.....actually that wasn't a happy feeling, that was more like wtf...

white strips

i don't know.
maybe i prepped them too much.
lea asks who brought the carebears wrapped present immediately after i told them that i brought an extremely practical gift. and i fessed up.
maybe that was why my present was the very last gift picked and it wasn't picked by anyone except me! my stolen gift got stolen again and the only present remaining was my own - so i picked it up. i am happy with my gift. and they actually liked it too. suckas! but it does feel odd to have bought your own white elephant gift but what the heck. i don't care, i'm going to start using it tomorrow bright and early. no pun intended.

please see above blog title

http://www.got-rice.com/temp/motherofthemonth.jpg

look! we're "cheers'ing"! 

Lighten up gals!

For my White Elephant tomorrow night, I bought an awesome present!

it was on sale!
it was exactly what I wanted!
...wouldn't that mean everyone else would think it's awesome too!?
(i just typed awesome twice in the same blog!?)

it was a holiday gift package. three items. one is usually around 25-29bucks. the other could've been between 5-10 bucks and the other just a mere couple of bucks. but altogether - on sale it was $25.00!

can you believe it!

oh i can't wait to see the looks on their face when they see the.........*drum roll* white strips gift package including a full white strips pack, whitening mouth wash and toothpaste!!!!

*sigh*

what lucky gals...

what's up with the pic?

I've been surfing the internet like crazy recently.

I go to work - am chained to my 'puter all day and then i go home.

I go home and surf the internet all night for jobs and housing.

I've been having my resume posted and been applying.

So I thought - why not just have an ad posted for housing and have that running in the meantime as well?

So I got two responses from posting last night.

1.) sounded interesting - but no immediate pix included.

2.) the other one went something like this ---> "I'd like to help out. Tell me more about where you are, and what the boundaries are, and send a pic. Thanks."

---> why do you need my picture? what does it matter what I look like? I included that I am female - yes, but still - what does it matter? This kinda creeped me out for some reason. It's like...sure looking for roomies or housing by yourself in a different state over the internet - isn't as easy as it could be - but this made me just remind myself that not everyone is going to be....well, yeah. like i forgot that there's creepies out there. and what did this person mean by "boundaries" that can be taken very loosely and after the pic comment? the email came from an "Alan" too. I don't know, I know I'm jumping to conclusions but at the same point, it was a reality check while searching too.

top.down.

i wonder how my profile info got bumped from the top to the bottom when i didn't change anything. but then i try different browsers and it's up again. it's like a see-saw. but i didn't see "Saw (II)"...

congratulations.tris.

whereTrisat: hi

J0mammma95: i'm so happy for you guys

J0mammma95: and whats more

J0mammma95: i'm happy that i'm happy

J0mammma95: you know?

J0mammma95: i don't know

J0mammma95: like you're one of my only guy friends

J0mammma95: i used to hang out with

J0mammma95: so our friendship means a lot to me

J0mammma95: so yeah i'm happy for you guys

Book

Today I went back to Barnes and Noble and I bought a book.
I bought a couple of books.
One on the history and background of Seattle (yay!).
One for a gift - "What Should I Do with my Life", Po Bronson.
and a doggie book.

The doggie book is "DACHSHUNDS lightweights littermates", Sharon Montrose.

Dachshunds aren't my favorite favorite (sorry Kent) but they are cuties.

I'm trying to save money right now and spend conservatively for xmas presents (sorry guys) even though I've been baking every day. But I still bought this book - for me.

This book was $14.95 not including tax. There's not a lot of reading, it's mostly a picture book.
I'm not exercising my reading skills very strenuously, Sharon pretty much just put the pup's name and weight on the page - and their cute lil faces. It serves minimal purpose.........at face value.

But this book is freakin' amazing. I can open it up to ANY page and it brings a smile to my face. It's like falling in love (i assume) over and over and over again. It's my transient "Happy Book". It's amazing. The bright eyes. The pouty faces. The innocence and the fury warm fuzzy hearts penetrating through the pages to - me. yes me. that's why i bought it. it's a story my friend - i can make up the ending to appease myself. that's the beauty. and that's why it's my Happy Book.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?userid=up38z5dCxC&hgg=y&cds2Pid=9835&isbn=1584794682

Held Back

If you're feeling held back, the only one holding you back is yourself.

Phone rings

We watched a snippet of Jennifer Aniston being interviewed by some random guy I don't know. It was an intimate setting with just the two of them, closely settled in on a stage....with a gazillion - people watching them from below.*shrugging shoulders* In one of the moments, she mentioned about how she was a telemarketer at one point for two weeks....and how she was making people angry. haha.

I have a house phone and a cell phone. Main is the cell - like every other avg american these days. But I keep the house for emergencies and to let people in. Usually the only people that call my home are my parents if they can't reach my cell, people who need to be let in from the cold and telemarketers.

So why does my phone ring 4x before 11am on a Saturday morning. For like - ever (since I don't have an answering machine). And why have I recently been getting prank calls where there's just........silence. No comprendo. Don't telemarketers not want to upset their potential customers and let them sleep in since they've been working straight shifts at work and shopping and baking and hanging out for bdays only to wake up on saturday mornings to go back to work? don't prank callers sleep in on saturdays? and not call late on weeknights? why why why?

*poof* off to work.

OMG - the phone rings again.

Kent - i bet you have the cutest waddle. 

Southwest.com

Next step:

*poof*
just purchased (which all of my recent OT hrs - covers) my flight to seattle, jan 6th-10th......(wow).
got a place to stay too - SO lucked out!
just need to book a g-ride while i'm there =)

ran outta gas.

8-7pm - worked.....straight - through. literally.
7:01PM - 8PM - grabbed dinner / grabbed baking goods.
8:01PM - 11:34PM - baked....straight - through. literally.
11:35pm - blogged.
zzz......

Seattle - Update

Greg pulled me aside @ our 7:30am mtg today and asked me for an update. I told him I've thought about what he said and won't give a 30 day notice but will take a trip in 30 days to look for housing and meet with headhunters/recruiters.

So I was going to go: Jan 7th - 10th. Two days for housing and two days for recruiters but he literally told me to take more. and if i take friday off too, then he won't dock it (boy, maybe i am dispensable...) So I'm going to go 6th - 10th because I really can't afford to lose that many days, i need to cash out the days. I'm looking for cheap flights now (and! he even offered to drive me to the airport!? actually whenever i go out of town he offers too though)

I've been posting and updating and applying all night. Hard work!

I gave official notices to my colleagues (although, they already all knew - two I told and the other can't act very well) per Greg's request. And they've already posted my position.

I'm aiming for Feb. And my brother can't wait to move in.

*Just posted for my replacement on Myspace...I don't think it's weird. i think it's utilizing all lines of communication =)

the roots.

in addition to yesterday's post - how could i forget The Roots.

i went to the roots concert recently - within the last couple of months. general admission standing area. we were on the second tier right next to the walking aisle that the employee's got to keep clear for us. it was perfect. it was a really good area. and even halfway through the concert the only two people in front of us and the railing had to leave!....i wasn't leaving this area until the concert was - over. but even before it began, i started feeling like i had to use the bathroom. but alas, read above, i wasn't leaving. my bathroom feelings would come and go but i was ok. until the very very end. the concert started wrapping up and i was ready to leave. but then they started signing drumsticks and peeps were anticipating another song - no one was leaving, including us. i was ready to go and by then, i really had to use the bathroom. and then i made the mistake of turning around to see the escape route to the bathroom. there was none. in fact, all i saw were a sea of heads and everyone trying to push closer to the stage. oh boy! this was not cool. it all started flooding, in - i can't move, i can't leave, i can't breathe, i can't use the bathroom, i can't get....air. it was terrible. cold sweat all over me. (are you ok?) *shaking head*....no. i had to get outta there and even worse now i had to use the bathroom like nothing. it hurt. we tried to get out of the building fast but everyone was now filing out and i made it to the designated home bathroom just in time but....

anxiety / panic attacks - they're not fun.

2005 = panic attacks

In retrospect it was the highest number of panic attacks in one year for me. Before 2005, I can only recall - less than a handful of somewhat repressed incidents. All of these prior incidents circled around my claustrophia, but this yr was different. Actually I don't even know if they would be the same, I mean before - when I would feel suffocated, it wasn't as intense. I don't know maybe they're different categories - maybe they're the same but at different degrees...

One year, I remember I was situated in the middle of a southwest plane, smack dab in the middle, I think two people on each side and I started to feel uneasy. This was easily resolved since I was a lil one and got a free aisle seat shortly after.

Other handful of times, I had sat in the backseat of a car, bundled up in snow gear and barely an leg room. It was always the leg room and the restricted feet that got me feeling weary. Or a long car ride to Stinson (where I'm already getting car sick from the turns) in the tiny backseat of what needed to be a two seater.

But nothing like this yr.

Sept, I went on my first trip up the Empire State Building. One minute - they mentioned it would take one minute to get up to the top. They didn't mention that because of the crowds that they packed the elevators like sardines in a can. After about Floor 50 I had to put my head down, close my eyes and concentrate on breathing. I started breaking into a cold sweat, I thought I couldn't move my arms, my feet, there was no where to run, no escape - I started thinking all kinds of crazy. It was an unreal rush and this adrenaline was not cool. I felt SO good to get outta the elevator.......until I realized that we weren't there yet, we had to take another separate elevator to get up the last handful of flights. *sigh*

But that one was again - claustrophia.

Others weren't. Two other times this year I felt completely outta control. One time I felt mentally out of control and started panicking about EVERYTHING.

The other time, I physically felt outta control. I was so agitated and restless. I was lying down trying to sleep, my legs were kicking (my mind racing) I couldn't stop tossing or turning. I didn't know what to do? (do you want to go for a walk?) no no....(do you want to go for a drive? watch a movie? go on the internet? talk?)....*shaking head* *sighhhhhh* I don't know what's happening to me?! so we walked around my tiny apt in the dark - close to the middle of the night. I felt like a 5 y.o. who didn't know her left from her right. I felt helpless. I didn't know what was wrong. I didn't know what was causing it. I forgot what finally put me to sleep....I think we started doing breathing exercises or something to calm me. I felt - bad.

but at the time i wasn't open to hearing it but maybe it was underlined stress. underlined issues that i wasn't confronting. i was feeling like i had friendships on the rocks and i was in a dysfunctional relationship. who was i kidding? well, me for a tiny bit, i fooled myself. (see updated - lesson learned below)

The symptoms of a panic attack:

raging heartbeat
difficulty breathing,
feeling as though you 'can't get enough air
terror that is almost paralyzing
nervous,
shaking,
stress
heart palpitation,
feeling of dread
dizziness,
lightheadedness or nausea
trembling,
sweating,
shaking
choking,
chest pains,
distress
fear,
fright,
afraid,
anxious
hot flashes,
or sudden chills
tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
fearful that you're going to go crazy or are about to die

*oh lordy lordy*

2 hrs later...................and I've only successfully applied for three relevant interesting positions....hahaha.....*sigh*

sh!et....'member, if it was easy, everyone would be doing - and it wouldn't be worth a darn thing.

I want to do HR!

I enrolled in Cal Poly - SLO with the intention of graduating with a BS in Nutritional Science and a nutrition counseling job (specializing in eating disorders) waiting for me upon graduation. My last quarter in school, I took nutrition counseling class and I knew - I wasn't ready for it. It was too emotional. I saw myself getting too attached to my clients and taking work home w/me and emotionally, I knew it wasn't a good step for me. If I cry out during newscasts and commercials and sit-coms, nutritional counseling - I wasn't ready for this yet.

Ever since I graduated, I debated upon what I wanted to do for the rest of my life I always had HR in the back of my head. I said - hey I can talk to people! I'm a people person (like every aspiring HR person thinks)! I can mix and match the right person for the job! that's me!

My first job out of college, I was a Schedule Coordinator. A branch off of HR, they said. I scheduled the engagements out for the ee's under management's direction. Every ee' and every manager had to know me. My name was on the top of the list - (by default). I made sure everything flowed. But I couldn't take the stress (or my stressed out supervisor) and the environment was not what I wanted. I didn't want corporate, sleeping, eating - work for 15+hrs sometimes. It wasn't what I signed up for.

so i quit. with no plan and no job lined up. i just knew this wasn't what i wanted.

My next job was a Career Services Advisor. (it wasn't counseling on nutrition but it was counseling!) It wasn't HR but it was working with HR folks. I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. I could network I thought. And! Since it was in a school and I was still recently out of college - I could relate to the students needs more. I thought this job was perfect - I liked the students, I liked my coworkers and I liked what I was doing. Until we got a new boss. A 26y.o. guy who had never supervised before and was a skirt chaser. He was why I quit. I couldn't kick my a$$ at work for someone I didn't respect. But I liked my job. I thought that it also called for a formal HR background to pull from though. I felt like I needed to be in the trenches to give these students the real life experiences to pull from. I thought if I just get a couple yrs of HR under my belt, i want to go back to career counseling - just not with this boss.

so i quit. with no job lined up. my only plan was that I was finally going to pursue HR. I was going to go to school and study and get a job in the field. I was going to work for it. i was going to pay my dues. I told my coworkers my plan and I told my boss (former HR guy) and in his most condescending voice, he said it couldn't be done. HR - you have to have experience, you need to know people, you're not going to be able to get a job in HR....his deterance or attempt - made me work harder. I went to school part time and found a bartending job at night and weekends and! i found a volunteer HR gig (just a couple wks after resigning) to get my foot in the (industry) door.

so here I was, taking like 2 classes of HR, volunteering 32hrs / wk and bartending a couple nights a week. My commute was terrible and my hours sucked - I didn't pick my schedule and my schedule wasn't being nice to me. I think my hardest day was wednesday:

---> wednesday
8-5pm volunteer (mind you the 1hr commute)
6-9:00pm class
10-3am bartending (3am was usual after clean up)
**mind you, our boss had us drink during work to make more money for her. we could NEVER deny drinks if patrons wanted to buy us one. and since it was a neighborhood bar, i was buzzed if not drunk, every shift.
3:30am - 6am - sleep
---> thursday
8am - back at the HR desk (after the 1hr commute)

yes, i don't miss wednesdays. the other days were better but wednesdays had me wired on red bull and alcohol all night.

but it paid off. i stayed at that company for a couple yrs. i sweated it out to:

volunteer (to the point where I was paying to volunteer here i.e. toll and parking) ---> part time intern (picture right above minimum wage) ---> higher salary part time ---> regular full time

but i wanted it, so i didn't mind. it taught me about how much i really need to survive to make things work for me. it made me realize all of the unnecessary expenses existed and it literally taught me what my bare minimums were.

i finally left because of two items: 1.) i didn't feel challenged anymore 2.) the cost / stress to get there wasn't adding up anymore.

so here, i am in HR. but now i want to relocate. and i'm having (financial) hesitations but if i think about it i know i can do it. i really wanted HR and with no experience, no connections and no education - i worked for it. why am i having hesitations about seattle? i know what it takes to go into something cold - i need to remind myself i did this before. seattle - i can do.

tickle his fickle pickle

fickle. i'm being fickle. greg says, stay and you'll reap the benefits of your sweat and tears (literally) from this last yr. just stay until it's planned out better. he's panicking to replace me and he's worried about me. (yes - i am not dispensable!) but becky said something very realistic. momentum. april is pretty freakin' far away and it's the internal drive that i have going for me right now. i have the drive to make this work for me. sure, it'll be harder to leave now but i have the *ooomph* (?) and i may not have it or as much later....i didn't know i could change my mind so many times / second.

Does Tabasco expire?

Setting: my dining room
Characters: Sammy and Jo

Sammy asks for some hot sauce to go with his Kung Pao Chicken and asks for me to pass the tabasco.

(me) "I've had this for awhile, I wonder if Tabasco expires" and I continue to look for an expiration date on the back and bottom of the bottle.

See, Sammy look, I've had this *pointing to the bottle* 'since 1868!'

hahahhaahaha.....? *shrugging shoulders*

someone once told me "Chicks on bikes are hot!" hahahaha........yeah (i don't think this is what they meant but it made me laugh)

this is one stephanie sent me that i had to keep. 

you have poo' on your floor! 

me on a saturday night lookin' for drunk munchies 

*grrr* 

(bless you) 

i can't think of where this is from...*brain fart* 

Jack Russell Carrying Case 

yoda dog

Boss or more?

4:45pm Friday afternoon hits and I decide to go to Greg's (my boss AKA Bossman) office to resign. He's busy clicking away doesn't even look up, signs whatever I put in front of him and I close the door and sit down in front of him. He looks at me - slightly perplexed and raises one eyebrow, "Greg, I wanna talk"

I tell him if I've never said it before, I appreciate how he always looks out for me. whenever it's been a long day or long week, he always says at the end - call me if you need anything - anything - doesn't matter what time. At the very beginning of the yr, he would say - yes, i'm being selfish, if anything happens to you, i'm through.

One time i had a really bad week or friday and i went to LA for the weekend. He kept calling me and I was SO irritated. I was SO irritated because here i was friday night, saturday, sunday morning and i refused to answer. i'm not working - stop calling me! but he wouldn't stop. monday morning - wakes me up again and i answer. he wasn't calling me to work, he was calling because he knew i wasn't happy at work and wanted to fix it.

Greg - he's a burly guy. he's a stocky white fellow, maybe like 5'11"? and just big, not fat but he has a big stout body type. He always looks mad and he's always walking around like he's doing the buff guy walk but really, that's how he's walking. one time he told me he even sloutches to not make it seem so noticeable. but he's a "Big Rough Tough Cream Puff" because behind closed doors, he likes to laugh at and with me. One of his favorite sayings from me, is "cliff hangers" AKA boogers. i don't even have to put it in a sentence I just stick out my nose "Greg - cliffhangers?" and he's rolling. Or today he just started laughing at me and I said what? whhhaat? he goes, I just remember that one time you told me you were sleeping with someone....and the story is one time i was sleeping (actually sleeping) and i woke myself up because i pooted. but who doesn't!? come on! he acknowledges when i kick my own a$$ at work. i work from the second i walk in the door until i sneak out. i deliver - for him. i know that the more i take on, the more he'll teach me. and i may stress myself out, or scream it off and just b!tch it out sometimes but in the end, he's taught me alot. and not just technical he's been teaching me about life since i walked in the door.

one pitfall is our group dynamics. it's 4 peeps and him, but one of them is in NY. and it's like we're tag teaming. there's my next door neighbor and me and then greg and our other ee. but that's a whole separate issue in itself. that's the only part i question but yeah...that would take forever to get into.

so back to today, i told him what i wanted to do, that i was giving my 30 day notice and he pulled out the caring cards. in the end (30+ min later) i told him i'd think about it and here's why. he understood, yes, i will be doing this but he just wants me to plan it out more. if i need to take time off to find a place to live to work or anything he understands. but to go there cold turkey without a job or a place - wasn't adding up for him. but i never thought it would be an option to say hey, greg, can i take three days next week, see...i have this interview in seattle? or greg you'll be getting these calls since you agreed to be a reference. i didn't think that was an option? but for his support? i'm not used to giving my notice and them being cordial after the fact (except at my nonprofit i worked at cuz well, it was a nonprofit) to let him know now what i want to do and for him to let me take whatever time i need and to be my reference and support while i'm still working - that's enticing.

he also kept throwing in annual merit reviews in too (dirty trick). that means, all the sweat and tears i've put into my job this last yr will guarantee me the increase and bonus. and put into words, that it would suck, for me to leave right before they are administered - all that work for nothing.

he admitted that in the end, he's being selfish but he's also looking out for me. and i agree, he is being selfish but i think he is looking out for me. he always says it like it is and that i admire. but now that i have his support at work - it creates a practical career advancement option that i didn't think would be there? our bonuses and increases are administered first paycheck in april. it's only december now. even if i stay at a bare minimum cut off - that first paycheck in april, i will get formal training on our new HRIS - ADP - i think the closest training is in San Diego, assist with the merit and bonus on the back-end for 2005 performance yr, i can say i've implemented and completed a company wide I-9 audit for 500+ ee's by myself and assist in implementing a new vacation accrual policy and hopefully software by then and some additional exp covering for our benefits administrator - that's HR talk for - a whole lotta exp in a short timeframe. i would also have the time to work in the bookstore like i wanted. if i take a trip in january to take a peek around and start applying in like march...but i guess the question is more of - can i wait?

I'm not gonna front - Junior....I miss you!
Junior

*reflection*

this yr has been interesting. it's december, it's time for reflection.

I lost a close friend because his girlfriend was not comfortable with our friendship. instead of saying, hey, she's my friend for the last 10yrs+, accept me along w/my friends. he isolated me out of his life - so that he doesn't "upset" her (that's what he said). i've put out another opportunity to say hey, let's have a pow-wow and work it out and he's not responded. but like daniel said, he made his decision a long time ago about whether he's chosing your friendship or this girl and he didn't chose you. and he's right, it's been almost a yr and he hasn't done anything to salvage it. but at least i tried. i've changed my work - to a 10 min commute, which would encompass an additional 1.5-2hrs/day of personal time and it vanished. i've exceeded my learning potential by an extreme amount by the way my supervisor (greg AKA "Bossman") guides and pushes me. i've dabbled with the idea of relocating and have given tomorrow as my due date to resign and make it a permanent decision and to stay on track with my timeline. since i last wrote, i kept telling myself - maybe i need just one more month to save up, just another couple of weeks and it'll make a difference but a week, a month, a couple of months - that's pretty much how i got here. i blinked and somehow (since i graduated in 2000) it's 5 yrs later? people keep telling me, jo, you're running away. and becky said it perfectly, she said ppl are going to tell you you're running away but don't listen to them, i don't believe you're running away, i believe you're running towards the - rest - of your life. i feel like i've gotten my legs pulled out from under me and i've got a decision to make. i can sit here and think - how the heck did that happen or i can decide what & where i want to go NEXT and i feel like that's what i'm doing. i've decided to take control and throw myself into a different - uncontrollable. i'm confident with my decision. physical location - won't make the difference. it's a personal choice of what will make me happy and what will make me feel what i want to feel - challenged.

this year has been interesting.

in terms of personal growth - it's one of my most valued. and where i want to go next - i feel like next yr can definitely surpass it.

- Black Cat -

soooooooooooo...i'm not trying to tell the black cat where to run or anything....but.......i'm just saying - that it was not nice to run across the street in front of my car when i was the only car on the street.....i mean, i was having such a good-luck type of day! i mean, well, it was kinda dark, and it is oakland, so maybe it was a grey cat that just hasn't had a bath in awhile....yeah.......that's my story.....

Yesterday - was a goooood freakin' day!

Yesterday I asked my coworker to come grab lunch with me and I was a couple bucks short and so he paid for it and only took $2.00 to cover the rest - *sweet!*

Yesterday after I ate lunch (i'm right across from the kitchen) our receptionist comes by with extra lunches and ask if I'm hungry "no thanks but thank you!!"

Yesterday around mid-afternoon'ish - recep comes back and says "cookies! i have cookies!" holy ca-moly - how did he know my mom and dad used to call me cookie monster when i was a kid!? and! when I went to grab a cookie, there were drinks too! *score!*

Yesterday my other co-worker kept telling me to take chocolates that she just brought in - there was a hazelnut chocolate one there (how did she know I love hazelnut / chocolate combo!?)!

Yesterday my mixture of house coffee / splenda / hazelnut creamer - was ---> perfect!

my days are made up of all of the little enjoyments that I don't want to take for granted....

*2005*

**I usually try to wait as far as I can into the yr to reflect - but why not now?**

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?:

I went against the grain. I followed my heart knowing it would hurt me in the end - but I say that with no regrets because it's all an experience.

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?:

I can never remember if I made any...

Did anyone close to you give birth?: welcome to planet earth - Devin! proud parents -Manny and Chau.

Did anyone close to you die?: no thank goodness.

What places did you visit?: I went to the big apple for the first time! woot! woot!

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?: my self confidence that I misplaced this last year.

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory?: hmmmm....so many to choose from. One happy memory is the Gwen Stefani concert I went to at HP pavilion. I *love* her! you better believe i was flailing my arms and singing at the top of my lungs! it was my fav concert and one of my fondest memories.

Did you suffer illness or injury?: no

What was the best thing you bought?: hm. right now it's an extra camera battery because I didn't have a spare and if I forgot to charge it, it would suck for the next drunken night of partying...so yeah, more ammo!

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: hmmmmmm........

Where did most of your money go?: i think weekend stuff, random eating out at restaurants, movies and little things that added up, nothing extreme.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?: i got really excited about starting my new job in jan and i got really excited when i picked myself up - all by myself. i could've done it with friends but i needed to do it on my own.

What song[s] will always remind you of 2005? garden state soundtrack, gwen stefani, stevie wonder - i love every little thing about you, comfortable - john mayer.

compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? i think same?

b. thinner or fatter? i think same?

c. richer or poorer? i think same?

What do you wish you'd done more of: personal journal - updates.

What do you wish you'd done less of?: myspace and friendster. flaking.

How did you spend the holidays?: *pending*

Did you fall in love in 2005?: no.

How many one night stands?: zilch.

What was your favorite TV program?: none.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: yes-no-yes-no-yes-no. i don't know. no. no.

Do you like anyone now that you hated this time last year?: no

What was your favorite film of this year?: old boy was good. me you and everyone we know, i watched at the perfect time. i can't remember too many others....

What did you do on your birthday?: TBA

What is one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: nothing.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?: very very chill.

What kept you sane?: alone time. and writing it all down - journals / blogging.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: i fancy me some - jake gyllenhaal

Who did you miss?: one of my best friends, b.

Who was the best new person you met?: me - i found myself again.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: that even if one of you devotes your whole life to it - eat, breathe and drink it. even if one of you invented it and is the resident expert. even if one of you takes all of the burden and making it work - it really does take two to tango.

I LOVE to feel

I don't love the feeling of love.
I sometimes don't feel loved.
And sometimes I wonder if I've ever loved.
but I love - to feel.

I love the feeling of the comfort in a relationship. where you're at that step, where you're walking through life, through your days, side by side - experiencing each day together. whether you're doing the same things and experiencing those or whether you're sharing your days and experiencing through your partners eyes. you're at that level where you're a team, guards down - nekked and real and not on opposite sides. i love that comfort.

I love the feeling of self confidence when I'm at the top of my independence. when i'm doing my thing and I know where I'm going and what I need to do to get there. When I know who I am and how I want to grow. The feeling that I'm walking through life, knowing that no one is looking out for me - but me...but using that to my advantage. This is tricky because people will try to trick you, to test you and sometimes I fall for it. But I get right back up and find that track again(hahah, I actually just finished re-discovering the track just recently)..

I am one of the biggest 28 y.o. cry babies in the whole freakin' world. that's how someone may say it. but i feel deep compassion - a whole freakin' lot! I used to get self conscious during movies (i.e. Hotel Rwanda, I don't think I stopped crying), or during news or sit coms (yes I really did cry when Woody Harrelson's character broke up with Grace Adler) or commercials.
But I embrace my emotions with open arms - wear 'em on my sleeves and no regrets. i.e. When the first recent hurricane hit New Orleans, I couldn't read or watch anything without crying. And for some reason, anything regarding the animals had me balling - on ends. I was a - mess. I would go to the posting websites / message boards and just read owners message out to the rescue teams and sit there and cry. I was on this rampage to know as much as I could and keep up - I felt that they were so - lost. I was absolutely focused on the stranded and sick pets. There were tons of adults and children and babies but I was oddly focused on these pets. But the outcome is sometimes wet tears but it's compassion and that's me. I'm compassionate.

i love the feeling of a new crush. where you can't think straight and your newfound euphoria feels endless. you can't eat. you can't sleep. you can't stop smiling. and it's all simply built on the existence of someone else.

but to some degree, i think i've discovered that i love to feel the sadness and demise of a relationship. it acknowledges passion in - something. you felt this high while in the relationship - that the lack of - brings you this sadness. it acknowledges the bottom of the roller coaster - but to be a bottom means that you were lucky enough to experience the top. it acknowledges that your blue days can be compared to those sunny ones and it's necessary..... it gives you something to compare to later and it builds on your insight to learning about - you. it's testing you. it's a self-discovery period. it's needed. and if you miss it - you won't realize how sunny those days in the future really are. you may take them for granted. below, i wrote sh!t happens, but it's not about sh!t happening - what it is is "now what the f! are you gonna do about it????"

in dabbling with "E" in college. i loved how it amplified just that - feeling. and i was one of the lucky ones, i was ALWAYS dancing and happy. so i was a gazillion times as happy as EVER. it was crazy. it would kill me to live life without feeling as much as i do.

i love feeling - anything.

Sh!t happens (what are you gonna do....*shrugging shoulders*)

I'm actually not poo'ing but it doesn't sound right if i say "pee happens"...

(poor Einstein)

*singing*
I'm gonna....
getcha....
getcha....
getcha....
get - chaa...............
(dancing)
I'm gonna.......
getcha.
getcha.
getcha...
getchaaaaa...........

Who? What? Where? When? Why? - Part II

Update on When:

I may have some volunteers to accompany me for a long drive, if I move mid-end Jan....so that's looking like my timeframe now.

Where?

I can go where I want. I don't have kids to worry about, pets to worry about or anything. I have friends that I can take everywhere I go. I found a place that - just at the thought *clicked*. When I graduated from college, there were two places I wanted to live and when I re-thought of those two - only one really stood out today.

My brother has been trying to talk me out of the location - it's too far, it's too gloomy, it's too - everything. And that almost (almost) makes me kick myself forward - even more. I understand it's far, I understand it's gloomy but it's what I want to do. I want to go there and find myself. I want to try myself. I'm expecting to struggle and I almost look forward to it. I feel like I won't know what I'm capable of, until I throw myself into the dungeon and suck it up! I realize that I'm not financially planned out - but that's what living in the moment is about - isn't it? Sure, I can wait until July when the weather is better and they'll be more housing and I'll have time to save more, but I don't want to wait. Yes, I realize that I need to meet the bare minimum and yes it would suck to go there and have to come back because I'm flat broke. Yes, I understand. But please understand me in what I'm thinking. Sure, I could move where I have friends, yes that would be more comforting but that would almost defeat my purpose? No, it would defeat my purpose. I want to go and prove to myself that I can make it - by myself. I'm the only one looking out for me. Who knows? Maybe I'll move from that location to another a couple months after? Maybe I won't even make it to that location? Maybe I'll come back in a couple yrs or a couple months? I don't know - but right now, I like not knowing. I LOVE the Bay Area. LUUUUVE. And, I know that when I want to "settle down" that I'm going to do it in the Bay. I'm going to live those days on my porch with Cinco on one side of me and Marie on the other - looking at our grandkids play in the yard - in The Bay. But before I do that, I want to experience - elsewhere and make my world bigger. I want to know more. I want to throw myself into an experiment and see what the outcome is. I want to build myself - and what a better time than now? I'm realizing this is more of a "Why?" blog....

---> Update - This has turned into "Why?"

I love a clean canvas. I love New Years. I love changing jobs. I love it all. So the idea of moving, calms me right now.

So where am I going with this. So yes, I have picked a location but when I'm thinking more and more - no, it's not 100% this location because that's the whole beauty of where I'm at now. I can go anywhere.

*(So what's ---> "the location" = Seattle, WA)

Where's the Chink?

I know Kya is related by blood but she doesn't have any chink in her eyes...maybe it's in her 'tude....

Blonde Wig Day

I'm desperately trying to sell these concert tickets on craigslist.org. (i guess not so desperate since i didn't budge on the price yet)
So much so that i even put my cell number so people can call me during the work hours (when you realize this is from the same person that doesn't like picking up calls she recognizes, you'll understand this extremity). Yesterday I actually got emails back but since i could only check it at lunch and afterwards, I would miss them.

So what do I do today?

Well greg got comfortable with me volunteering to come in at 7am to finish a report that he volunteered me to stay overtime and volunteered for me to come in early this morning (which i didn't really mind considering i wanted to leave early so i could fill out some apps for a side job anyways)....therefore, me running out the door this morning - without the cell phone. *doh!*

Who? What? Where? When? Why? - Part I

When?

I'm estimating any time after Jan 7th (last day at work) - March. Ideal would be mid-end of Jan. I think it all comes down to housing situation.